


Drops of Sapphire

by ivy_thalassa



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:07:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27010069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivy_thalassa/pseuds/ivy_thalassa
Summary: Nesta hasn't told Cassian her secret...Modern day AU angsty oneshot
Relationships: Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Drops of Sapphire

She hated that she was lying to him. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day.

He’d smile at her and tell her about his plans for their future and she’d nod along.  
“Y’okay, babe?” her boyfriend called from their bedroom. 

No, she wasn’t okay. She was breaking- _broken_ on the inside in so many ways.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she replied, her voice as cheerful as she could manage. 

“Are you sure you’re not too tired?” 

Even Cassian had noticed that she’d been tired recently. She told him it was because of stress from work, but she had no idea if he believed her.

“No, I’m fine,” she repeated, dabbing more blush onto her cheeks. When had she gotten so pale and sullen? She grabbed the sapphire earrings Cassian had given her for their third anniversary put them on. It matched the dark blue gown she wore. The gown, which had once fit her snugly but now was slightly loose, still looked great on her. 

Cassian had informed her that they were going to _La Petite Sorcière_ tonight — their favorite fancy restaurant. 

Maybe tonight she’d work up the courage to tell him.

They got into Cassian’s car, a dark red Nissan Altima, and drove off into the night. Cassian turned on the radio— and promptly turned up the volume. _Party In the USA_ blasted from their speakers and Cassian began singing the lyrics at the top of his lungs. The contrast of them in their fancy clothes going to one of the fanciest restaurants in Velaris and the pop song blasting from their car like they were teenagers using their parent’s car to drive with their friends for the first time made Nesta laugh. 

She hadn’t laughed like that — so carefree — in a while. 

She’d found out ten months ago. It was always the wrong time: his birthday, Christmas, New Years, her sister getting married to his best friend, her birthday… At some point, she’d begun to tell herself that maybe she didn’t have to tell him.

It was easier this way – to pretend like it was all going to be just fine. Ignoring her problems didn’t make them go away, but it didn’t hurt, either. 

She told herself that it was better this way.

There was no need to hurt him like this. No need for him to grieve her while she was still here. She told herself that when the time came, she’d tell him. If not, she could break up with him. As if she’d find the strength to give him up when time only made her more and more attached — more and more in love. 

They had been dating for five years now, and living together for two. She had never loved anyone the way she loved Cassian. He was everything to her — watching him in pain brought her pain, watching him smile made her heart smile. Yet now that she knew her fate, she felt that every day she was with him was just another day of torture — not for her, but for him. She knew that later on in life, he’d look back at their time together and feel only sadness and pain. 

Cassian didn't know who his father was and his mother had died when he was only 13. He’d spent time in foster care, with many unkind families who used him just to get money. He’d already been through so much.

But she was too selfish to let him go just yet. She wanted to cherish whatever time they had left. 

They sat down at their favorite table at _La Petite Sorcière_ and ordered their favorite dishes. 

They talked about work and their friends and the books they’d been reading and what countries they wanted to visit someday. It was hard for her to keep her face impassive at the last one, but she did her best.

The waiter brought out their dessert — two slices of chocolate cake with raspberry mousse filling, adorned with a tiny strawberry champagne-flavored macaron on top. Then, he served their drinks — rose tea. Nesta had started eating their delicious dessert (coming to this restaurant always seemed to revive her appetite — too bad it was so expensive) when Cassian gently grasped her left hand and intertwined their fingers.

“Nesta,” he said softly. “I met you seven years ago at Rhys and Feyre’s Christmas Party. From the moment I saw you, I knew that you were the most beautiful woman in the world. Talking to you only confirmed that.”

Nesta raised an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Cassian chuckled. “I do remember that we argued. But you were so passionate and strong — hell, that argument was probably when I started to fall in love with you. So then we slowly became friends and then I finally got you to agree to go on a date with me and the best five years of my life began. I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Nesta replied quietly. Her eyes were beginning to sting, like tears were going to form against her will.

Cassian smiled tenderly, his eyes softer than she’d ever seen. “Each day I spend with you, I fall more in love. I go to sleep with you in my arms, and I think that this is the most love I can ever feel — then I wake up the next morning, the sunlight making your hair glitter and your skin glow like the goddess that you are, and realize that I love you so much more. Before I found you, I was a playboy looking for fun and hiding my real self. I thought my past had ruined me so that I couldn’t love — at least not like this. I never thought I’d meet my soulmate but Nesta, that’s what you are.”

A tear slid down her cheek. God, why was he being so nice to her? Every loving word, every adoring glance, and every rub of his thumb against her hand reminded her that she was a horrible person for not telling him her secret.

“I love you and I can’t imagine my life without you. Hell, I don’t think my life would be worth living without you.”

 _Fuck, no. Don’t say that,_ she wanted to yell, but her throat was clogged with tears.

“I want to spend every waking moment with you — and the ones when we’re asleep, too. I want to explore the world with you and read books with you and laugh and cry and smile with you. So Nesta,” he removed his hand from hers, and took something out of his pocket.

What was he doing? It was some kind of small box.

He opened it.

“Will you marry me?”

A sparkling sapphire ring lay in the box. 

Nesta couldn’t answer. Tears streamed down her face. This evening was everything she wanted in a proposal. She once told Cassian that if someone proposed to her, she wanted it to be in a restaurant. She had later informed him that rose tea was the most romantic tea and the first time they had come to _La Petite Sorcière_ , she had told him that her favorite cake was the chocolate with raspberry mousse but that she usually ordered the strawberry shortcake because it came with the strawberry-champagne flavored macaron she loved. While watching a rom com, she had mentioned that proposing over a meal was romantic, but putting the actual ring in the food was disgusting. 

In short, Cassian had taken every single comment she’d ever made and turned it into the perfect proposal.

Too bad she would have to say no.

“Cassian,” she managed to whisper through her tears. “I- I can’t.”

His smile faded slowly. “What?”

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” She wiped her face off with one hand and exited the restaurant as fast as she could without running. 

Cassian remained in his seat shell shocked. After a few minutes (or maybe an hour, he really had no idea), he paid the bill and wandered outside but Nesta was long gone. 

He drove home, hoping he’d find her there, but she didn’t come home that night. 

Perhaps he had been too hasty. He shouldn’t have pushed her— he shouldn’t have proposed. He knew that her job had been difficult recently, and maybe she didn’t want to have the added stress of planning a wedding. He should’ve checked first.

But he’d wanted to be romantic — and had ended up losing her.

He’d ruined the best thing he’d ever had.

* * *

She rode in the cab in numb silence. 

Her tears had stopped. Instead, the rain outside cried for her.

She should have told Cassian the truth.

Ten months ago, she’d been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It was already too late. It had progressed too much for them to even hope of curing it. They told her that her chances of being alive in five years was less than 7%. They estimated that if she was lucky, she’d have three years left.

Except that now, with two years and two months left, she had no idea what to do with her life — because she’d lost the one thing that gave her life worth living: Cassian.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Please leave comments :)  
> I also have tumblr (@sayosdreams) — come say hi! I also take fic requests on my tumblr.  
> Have a great day!


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